So, especially after Jessica sent me this ridiculous article (Where do you even find that stuff?) and an acquaintance and I conversed about his wife wanting no more children because their second was “exhausting,” and because I’m having the second of two sort-of-surprise children, I have been thinking about babies.
It is very likely that I cannot continue to work full-time once we have a third child, or once these first two are around school age (because I want to homeschool them). And I like working full time. It is much more dignified than picking up the living room for the fourteenth time that day after Ransom has attacked his toy box. Also, Ransom does not make me any money.
At any rate, my handsome husband has revealed that these surprise babies are all his evil plan, because he wants to have four or five children. I suppose I wouldn’t mind as long as someone else was birthing and nursing them.
Rambling sarcasm aside, I am actually here to discuss an attitude change. Ransom is very good at bringing change (he should be president). Before and while we moved I started to feel particularly annoyed about Ransom. He was waking 4-5 times a night (alone worth a death sentence) and extremely clingy and fussy. Why couldn’t I have at least gotten a nice, quiet baby? Why must he be so annoying?
Nathaniel’s aunt sent me two little books from a missionary mother who had four children in five years. She wrote about how children present an opportunity and a challenge to serve a needy neighbor—and helping them is not just an occasional pastime for a mother, but a duty. Once again, Ransom’s existence showed me how selfish I am. Since then, I have not minded him as much. He has actually gotten much cuter (I think the same thing happens to husbands when they wash the dishes).
I don’t know if the same thing happens about more children. There may be (is almost certainly) a breaking point for some women. But others, I suspect, think they will break but have more anyway and discover they bend into something more beautiful.
Congratulations on the addition to your nest, Joy!
Yes, children (and homeschooling) build character in the mother. When I was a growing mom, I would listen diligently to Elisabeth Elliot. She was influenced by the life of Amy Carmichael, a missionary to India who rescued children being sold into slavery. Amy quoted an Indian proverb which said, “Children tie the feet of the mother.” To which Amy replied, “I will gladly, therefore, have my feet tied for the One whose feet were nailed for me.” Changed my perspective on mothering.
Awesome, Joy. Thanks, as always, for sharing.
Congratulations again, Joy. This is a thought-provoking post — I might as well go ahead and out myself as the “acquaintance” you mention above. We love our two children unreservedly, of course. Our daughter is very different from our son. I may need to respond at length elsewhere, but I think you shouldn’t discount differences in age — that is, age of the parents and the age difference in the kids. Probably a long piece in there. You make an excellent point about selfishness. Children shape us perhaps as much as we try to shape them. Our lives will never be the same. That’s a good thing, generally. Cheers!
Ben,
From observing you and benefiting from your apparently inherent generosity, I cannot doubt both your children are very well-loved. Kids and family size are, of course, intensely personal decisions and what works for one family will not for others (as with the age differences you mention and other factors, which I’d say do include sheer exhaustion).
I’m afraid my limited experience with this will not allow me to comment more, as I will just have to see how I and our kids change in the years ahead. Please don’t think I presume to understand or proscribe your family dynamics, since clearly I’m still learning a lot about my own. I have every confidence your energetic little person will one day employ those talents more constructively, as I hope the same of my son (for my sanity, if nothing else).